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December is the time of year when all I want to do is take things slow; breathe in each moment; but life pushes me around and tells me to hurry up.

It is officially 8 days before Christmas and I sit here in a state of disappointment that once again I let this happen; then I remember that this feeling is all too familiar because it is not new. This happens to me every December.

People ask me, “Are you ready for Christmas?”, I smile and nod but then I turn around and have to take a deep breath. The truth is, “No, I am not”. It is not just the physical preparations of the tree, the lights, the gifts, the stockings, but my heart. This season is a time to prepare my heart for the birth of Jesus. As the world around me pressures me into feeling like all the holly, candy canes, lights, and gifts are what it’s all about; I constantly have to remind myself what it is truly about.

I ask myself, “Does Santa have a budget, car issues, financial shortcomings, unexpected expenses, and a schedule like mine?” We ask Santa for so many things we want to have, code word is want, and sometimes I have to rejoice in simply being thankful for all that I have and feel peace in simply praying for those things that I truly need.

The key is arriving to Christmas Day with my heart and mind in the right place, seeing the joy in simple things that are easy to take for granted, appreciating the small things that are big blessings that can be overshadowed by all the “stuff”.

We are not even through the Halloween candy the kids got before the stores are decorated in red and green, the lights all aglow, the Black Friday sales that begin popping up on my instagram feed. All of a sudden the life that was so simple becomes filled with the desires of things that the consumer world rubs in our face, that we never knew we “wanted” until it was smack in front of our face at the mall with a 50% off tag on it.

Since the week of Thanksgiving until just this past weekend I have been blessed with the gift of celebrating the birthdays of my three kids. Yes, let’s just say we didn’t mark our calendars to plan when we would conceive our children, they were all born within less than a month from each others birthdays between the end of November and mid December; right in time for a last minute breath before Christmas.

As I breathe through my personal struggles and realize that I can’t always get my family what they want for Christmas, I know God is using this trial to teach me to see the true gift and greatest gift that money can’t buy for us on Christmas and that is Jesus Christ, our Savior!

I am reminded of the things that I can do this Christmas and I rejoice in the hope and joy that it brings to my expectant heart.

These are the things that I will wrap in love and place under my tree…

A Special thought and prayer for all those who need it this season and all year around. For those who feel a great sadness during this time from the passing of a loved one. For the families that are going through strife and divide. Families that are separated by circumstances out of their control. Parents who struggle to feed their children and keep a roof over their heads. People who feel lonely and lost. People who are going through illness and hurt.

Giving of my time to be there for others that need someone to listen.

Donate what I can to help others who are struggling to have their basic needs met or simply need extra love this Christmas.

A little something to consider…..

It is best to look into a snow globe than to look at a Christmas Ball Ornament. When you look into a Christmas Ball Ornament the only thing you see is yourself, the shiny image of your face is magnified with everything around you distorted and hard to see.

When you look into a snow globe you are looking in from the outside finding the true view of how you can bring joy to others. You look at this season with a new perspective, it is quite powerful to hold a snow globe in your hand. It is so fragile yet strong and if you look long enough you can see the details and the beauty of what is inside. If you shake things up, you can make it even more magical.

Wishing you a Merry and Peaceful Christmas!

“August… The month my mom and I took our first breath, she took her last, and an expectant mother now motherless tries to find herself again. How was I to raise a daughter without the woman who raised me? Who better to understand the love of a mother than your own. With time I have come to see that my mother is living in me; she has been here all along, and the way I love my kids is her legacy and my own. God continues to transform me into a blooming August Flower.”

As I reflected on the name for this Blog, I couldn’t help but think back and wonder how I could regroup all I have been through and simplify it into one concept.  I felt a stirring in my heart to consider the month of August.  Not only was I born in this month but the most significant person in my life, my mother, also shared my birth month, and it was pretty special.  We never did much for our birthdays but there was always a special small gathering of celebration for a new year of life and the blessing of getting one year older and wiser.  

    Now, years later, August of 2005 became the most bitter sweet month of the year.  To me it is the hardest month and every year as it approaches, I know I am in for an emotional ride.  At the start of the year, my mother was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cervical cancer.  After a surgery in June she would begin a brief series of Chemotherapy to help eliminate any lingering cancer cells in her body.  The doctors said it was just for precaution.   

 It just so happens that her first Chemo was scheduled on my birthday and I was the one who would take her to her first appointment that would begin her health downfall.  11 days later the worst day of my life came to be.  She was taken by ambulance at 2am to the local hospital where within hours I found myself saying a goodbye I was never expecting to need to say so soon. She never made it to her birthday that year; she went to her eternal resting place just a week shy of her 48th birthday.  

Though August seems like a month of transitions from Summer break to the start of school, the end of Summer and the look towards the Fall, a month of hustling and rushing to get things prepared for the new school year; to me it is so much more.  I am always taken back to the love of my sweet mom that is not around for my birthday, the anniversary of a day that shattered my heart and still aches in a different way, and the birthday of the woman who gave me life and so much love, who I miss every single day. 

 I look back 14 years later to this year and the month of August and think of the hot weather, the excessively moist land, and how hard it must be for flowers to bloom during this trying time and season.  I think of my life as a flower needing to find a way to bloom during such hardship and heartache.  How intricate God is in creating such beautiful flowers with different strengths that allow them to adorn our world with these precious creations all year. 

Each year as I go through the month of August I am reminded of how much God has helped me bloom even though I was not sure I could.  The heat of the pain that I felt was excessive but just short of being too much to handle; the torrential downpour of rain in the times of heaviness and grief; the Lord helped ease with just enough sunlight to evaporate the weight of it all.  The month of August helped mold me into who I am today, it brought to life the woman who gave life to me, and it is a constant reminder of the blessings God has surrounded me with to allow me to grow and bloom in maturity, strength, faith, and virtue. 
   

   This blog, August Flower, is dedicated to the month that although heavy with moments of longing also reminds me of the transformation it has made on my spirit and on the person I am today. I also honor my angel, my mother…. She continues to live in me.